So late, it’s well overdue. I’ve tried to summarise. I’d like to expand upon much of this and perhaps I will with additional articles.
I’ve secured housing in Wolfville. Coming up on 3 months of living here. This is not my first time living in a rooming house. I share my flat upstairs with 2 other guys from India, freshman students at Acadia; nice fellows, working hard.
Why Wolfville?
As it happens, my life became centred here over the past 5 years. I want to have a place of my own to stay, close enough to friends. That is the main thing.
This is a walkable place with a real downtown. There’s a bookstore, a comic book shop, farm markets, clothing boutiques, restaurants and more. Music, arts and theatre. The university library is just a few blocks down from here. Wolfville is probably a good spot to setup a small business.
I really like the outdoors. There are wonderful parks and trails within a kilometre of my home. It’s very comfortable bicycling, here. New Minas is just one place within bicycling distance via the beautiful Harvest Moon Trail; perhaps I will head there later today for some exercise and a few groceries. At the moment, I am all out of hemp seeds.
There’s enough of a transient population living here such that I can blend in. Enough people out and about at night such that I can go for a prowl without feeling too much like a weirdo.
In short, I can live like myself around here.
It’s close enough from here to Halifax. It’s about a $40 round trip on the bus. $20 in the car. When I get my car fixed, it will be easy enough to travel daily, if need be.
While my flatmates are gone out for school, it is very quiet and peaceful in here. Lovely for study or for writing. Not too bad when they are here, too! I don’t mean to speak ill of them; I just mean to say that there’s nothing quite like having a quiet, cozy place all to yourself for a little while.
When my downstairs neighbor heads out for a bit, the music instruments will come out.
My landlord and the tenants all seem very nice and that makes this a very nice house.
It’s been a difficult summer. Living on the road, in the woods, in the car and in campgrounds. I’ve spent more than a few nights sleeping in the car in a parking lot. For the upcoming year, I got myself set up quite a bit better than that.
September was still a very stressful month, feeling a lot of emotion and anxiety, hungover from the summer. I bought a new car after my Toyota got smashed up in the Walmart parking lot.
New car, new home.
October, I was ill for most of it, from the 15th on through to November. My new car broke down, too; rotten brake lines. Still feeling some fatigue; it’s hard to tell whether that’s from illness, stress or emotions; I say all three are factors.
I am just getting my energy back up, as of today, Wednesday November 13th. Up in the morning and alert through the day, still energetic now at 10:45 PM. Working on this blog post. Troubleshooting the internet radio station. Setting up a file sync. Getting things done.
Very unsettled for over 3 years, I’ve been through some difficult times. Pretty much since I lost my home in Halifax, things have been really rough. Extreme relationship difficulties abound. I’ve been hurt badly and no doubt I’ve hurt others.
It has been necessary for me to withdraw from some problematic relationships. I am very sorry. Being on the brink, I’ve had to protect myself, emotionally and psychologically. In more than one case, I did not and still really do not have the energy to establish appropriate healthy boundaries, to be supportive as a good friend.
I have had moments of peace and happiness, with joy and love. A lot of anger and pain at times, too. All of it, as intense as I have ever felt. I have changed as a person. Other people I know have changed, too. I really don’t mean that in a negative way. I see myself growing and others also.
I can cope with a lot, not always admirably. I experience heavy grief which is painful and exhausting. I’d like to learn better about how to be a nurturing soul.
Shouldering emotions and sharing them appropriately and how to ask others for emotional help, well I want to say thanks to those who have helped me see how I might be able to do better. I am sorry and I need to practice a better balance between expecting others to shoulder my burden and handling things all by myself.
Maybe, for right now, the best thing I can do for others is to continue to build a happy and secure kind of life for myself. I think that will affect those around me, most positively.
I’m feeling rather settled down, this week. I last remember feeling this way in April or May past. A lot of the stressors I have had since 2021 or even since long before, I’ve been solving or taking care of.
Not that I’m now in the clear. Things piled up and I’m still sorting it all out. I’m not totally on solid ground. I don’t have rent money banked, let alone an emergency fund. Many days, I have periods of intense emotional distress. Next week I could fall apart a bit again; it’s really tough to know, one way or the other. The stress and pain have been debilitating, at times.
I’m recovering. 2 steps forward, 1 step back is how it feels sometimes. In recent months, even through the roughest of times, I’ve been eating and sleeping well; at least there’s that.
Way better off than I was in November of last year, that is for sure. What an awful period of time that was, for me.
A lot of time and effort spent for me to get here today and not just my own. I’ve taken time for myself as necessary, for the sake of well being. I’ve shared energy with those who have, likewise, been in need and they have shared with me. As difficult as this past summer has been, it’s been enriching at times, thanks to others. I’m really very grateful.
As of late, I’ve been feeling my peace and happiness come back, in bits. I can really tell that my mood is improving when my habits (and my place) are well organised and I notice that I am again feeling appreciation for details both small and large. Music sounds really good. I’m dancing, a lot. Focusing more on the positive aspects. Appreciating myself, my space and those around me. Feeling inspiration!
So it’s time to build and craft with care, while that state of positive mind is present.